How to find a Japanese girlfriend in Japan

Dating is not easy anywhere in the world. It is specially hard if you are a foreigner in Japan. But do not forget that many Japanese women are literally desperate to check out a gaijin. So here are a few tips that have worked for me.

  • Try online dating in Japan. It has worked for me every time, though be clear about what you want. Japanese women are looking for all kinds of relationships, all the way from a casual encounters to marriage and kids. An online profile allows women to respond to you in a more comfortable environment. Japanese women, even the ones that I thought spoke beautiful English, lack the confidence to speak in English in public and that is why bars do not always work out.
  • Visit a Starbucks cafe. The Japanese women know that it is a popular hangout among the foreigners plus it is non-smoking, something that Japanese women value these days. And in contrast to Roppongi bars where Japanese women feel intimidated, a Starbucks cafe has a different ambiance. It is no secret these days that English speaking Japanese women go there to meet men! Take an English book. Or a Japanese text book. Scan the room politely. You will see that woman are literally waiting to try a few words with you. With a bit of luck (and after an acquired taste for coffee) you will strike up a conversation with someone you like and get a date. Even if she already has a boyfriend, she might just set you up with her friend who is trying to improve her English.
  • As I said before, I agree bars are difficult. But not impossible, provided you have a rapport with the bar staff. Note however that if you are the last guy at the bar talking to the last pretty girl, she is going home with the bar manager, so “Go Home!”
  • Night clubs are also tricky. Normally Japanese woman don’t dance, but those that do, are looking for non Japanese men. So if you can dance, you can meet someone. Very simple! Be very direct. Once you are dancing with one girl exclusively, don’t let her go. If you don’t take her somewhere, someone else likely will!
  • Cultural events like language exchange parties. Your city likely holds these a few times a year. You can’t really fail. Just go and speak English to woman who want to speak English with you! That is the main reason these women show up at these events.
  • Of course being able to speak Japanese helps, but how much? There are plenty of eligible women who speak very good English and it will always be easier no matter your Japanese ability to date these girls.
  • One final point. Your greatest enemy is the label “playboy.” Unfortunately any woman will assume you are such (even if you have not got laid in 6 months), because you are confident and they are interested in you. To allay such fears, say that you don’t have a girlfriend, but you recently had one and suggest that it would be nice to do something together. Once you have something in common to do, you have a date. Unless they are already taken, but from my experience, girls who already have boyfriends will date you in Japan. So don’t be too coy or wound up about the truth. Chances are she is playing you as well or may well be interested in dumping her boring boyfriend for someone more exciting.

Don’t be surprised if after you agree to meet and get her number/email, you never see her again. IT HAPPENS. Forget it and move on. I don’t know why this is (there are many theories out there that trace the cause to Japanese psyche and centuries of history), but in summary, once you’ve made contact and conversation you have a 50% shot at setting a date, then a 50% shot that you actually meet her, then a 50% chance that she might see you again, and out of this chaos, you will eventually get a girlfriend. Perhaps not your lifelong partner, but intimacy and friendship at least.