• Try online dating in Japan. It has worked for me every time, though be clear about what you want. Japanese women are looking for all kinds of relationships, all the way from a casual encounters to marriage and kids. An online profile allows women to respond to you in a more comfortable environment. Japanese women, even the ones that I thought spoke beautiful English, lack the confidence to speak in English in public and that is why bars do not always work out.
• Visit a Starbucks cafe. The Japanese women know that it is a popular hangout among the foreigners plus it is non-smoking, something that Japanese women value these days. And in contrast to Roppongi bars where Japanese women feel intimidated, a Starbucks cafe has a different ambiance. It is no secret these days that English speaking Japanese women go there to meet men! Take an English book. Or a Japanese text book. Scan the room politely. You will see that woman are literally waiting to try a few words with you. With a bit of luck (and after an acquired taste for coffee) you will strike up a conversation with someone you like and get a date. Even if she already has a boyfriend, she might just set you up with her friend who is trying to improve her English.
• As I said before, I agree bars are difficult. But not impossible, provided you have a rapport with the bar staff. Note however that if you are the last guy at the bar talking to the last pretty girl, she is going home with the bar manager, so “Go Home!”
• Night clubs are also tricky. Normally Japanese woman don’t dance, but those that do, are looking for non Japanese men. So if you can dance, you can meet someone. Very simple! Be very direct. Once you are dancing with one girl exclusively, don’t let her go. If you don’t take her somewhere, someone else likely will!
• Cultural events like language exchange parties. Your city likely holds these a few times a year. You can’t really fail. Just go and speak English to woman who want to speak English with you! That is the main reason these women show up at these events.
• Of course being able to speak Japanese helps, but how much? There are plenty of eligible women who speak very good English and it will always be easier no matter your Japanese ability to date these girls.
• One final point. Your greatest enemy is the label “playboy.” Unfortunately any woman will assume you are such (even if you have not got laid in 6 months), because you are confident and they are interested in you. To allay such fears, say that you don’t have a girlfriend, but you recently had one and suggest that it would be nice to do something together. Once you have something in common to do, you have a date. Unless they are already taken, but from my experience, girls who already have boyfriends will date you in Japan. So don’t be too coy or wound up about the truth. Chances are she is playing you as well or may well be interested in dumping her boring boyfriend for someone more exciting.

Don’t be surprised if after you agree to meet and get her number/email, you never see her again. IT HAPPENS. Forget it and move on. I don’t know why this is (there are many theories out there that trace the cause to Japanese psyche and centuries of history), but in summary, once you’ve made contact and conversation you have a 50% shot at setting a date, then a 50% shot that you actually meet her, then a 50% chance that she might see you again, and out of this chaos, you will eventually get a girlfriend. Perhaps not your lifelong partner, but intimacy and friendship at least.

Japan is an island that was cut off from the rest of Asia for hundreds of years. Aside from a one-way flow of culture into Japan from China and Korea for several hundred years, the country had little contact with the rest of Asia. This geographical reality has largely shaped who Japanese people are today.

Lots of men make the mistake of lumping them into the category of “Asian women.” Here’s why this shouldn’t be done.

Japanese Etiquette And Manners
No other country on earth has the etiquette and manners of Japan. Japanese people are polite and humble almost to a fault. Japanese women bring these ingrained social habits with them wherever they go throughout the world. This way of thinking, which always puts the other person first, is completely unique and sets them apart from all other Asian women. To put it simply, Japanese women are the most considerate on earth.

Shyness And Modesty
They are also shy almost to the point of neurosis. This is related to etiquette and manners, but it is something else as well. Japanese women are so shy that it effects how you approach them, flirt with them and initiate sexual contact with them. Western men have less trouble with other Asian women, who respond largely the same way that western women do when approached by them.

Sophisticated Tastes
Although Japan had little contact with any other country for hundreds of years, in the 20^th century it was closely connected with the US and Europe. Because of this, Japanese women are very worldly. They have sophisticated tastes in food, wine, clothing and shopping that other Asian women don’t have. In that regard, they are more familiar with western culture.

How They Treat Their Men
Finally, there is a major difference in how Japanese women treat their men. When her husband or boyfriend comes home after a long day of work, a Japanese woman will do anything in her power to make him feel comfortable. Japanese women are the most selfless, caring and generous women on earth. Once they’ve fallen for a man and committed to him, they’ll do anything to make him happy.

Physically, Japanese women and Asian women may have a lot in common, but the similarities end there. It’s a mistake to lump them into the category of “Asian women,” and once you have some experience with dating one, you’ll understand this difference well. This is why Japanese women have a special allure that no other Asian woman has.

Respect Her Culture
Whether you’re meeting a Japanese woman for the first time or celebrating your 25^th wedding anniversary with your Japanese wife, culture is always going to play a role. Each of you comes from a different culture, and you don’t shed these aspects no matter where you live or whom you go out with. Because of this it’s important to learn about her culture and respect it, and sometimes to break the rules of your own culture to gain a deeper understanding. Never denigrate her culture or try to make her “join” yours. This is difficult, but it’s also one of the things that make seeing Japanese women rewarding.

Treat Her To Nice Things
Japanese women love nice things. They like good food, nice clothes and expensive trips to wonderful places. No matter where a Japanese woman is on the socio-economic scale, she will have the best taste in all things. You should prepare to invest a little more when it comes to treating her. Take her out to nice places, develop gourmet tastes of your own and pay attention to your fashion sense. These are all things that will make meeting Japanese women much easier. You can call it old fashioned, but it’s a given to Japanese people that the man will treat the woman lavishly.

Be Patient With The Language
Even Japanese women who have lived abroad for years may have confidence problems when it comes to English. I’ve met women who spoke it almost perfectly, but were very sensitive whenever the topic of their English was brought up. Be patient with her language abilities. If she doesn’t text you back quickly, she might have trouble thinking of what she’s going to say. If the conversation slows down, give her some time to think of what should come next. Make sure that she understands what you’re saying, and never make fun of her English. Keep her out of situations where she might be embarrassed by her English.

Give Her Everything And More
Here is the biggest challenge for many westerners. You don’t realize how selfish you’ve been raised to be until you meet a Japanese woman. They are the most generous, giving women on earth, and if a Japanese woman falls for you, she’ll give you everything she has. Because of this, you should do the same. Generosity is a Japanese cultural trait, and if you reciprocate it, you’ll be able to build a lasting and fulfilling relationship for the both of you.

There are a few cultural facts about Japan that you’re going to have to learn if you want to successfully flirt with a Japanese woman.

Go Indirect And Nonverbal
First of all, Japanese people are notorious for being indirect in their communication. Although it may seem this way sometimes, they don’t communicate this way just to frustrate westerners. In Japan, being vague and indirect is a virtue. When people speak to each other, they expect the other person to “pick up” on things and understand how they’re feeling intuitively.

A major step in flirting for westerners is to make your bold move and move it to a sexual level. More often than not, when you tell a Japanese girl directly that you like her and you’d like to be romantic with her, it is going to terrify her and she is not going to react well. Instead, things should move to the next level more slowly. You should rely on non-verbal clues and signals. Be subtle about it.

Relax And Take It Easy
Like all women, Japanese women like guys who are confident, relaxed and fun. However, if you’re aggressive, it’s going to scare her away. In the west, we say that it takes some aggressiveness to get the girl, but this is not the way in Japan. Coming on too strong will definitely scare her away.

For men who don’t know Japanese culture, this is very tricky. How do you know when it’s time to make a move if she doesn’t let you know? When flirting with a Japanese woman, keep it fun, playful and non-threatening for a little bit longer. She’ll let you know when it’s okay to make a move, but you’ll have to pay close attention.

The Third Party System
Sometimes, major advances in a relationship come through a third party, like a friend or mutual acquaintance. This is really strange for westerners, but it’s common practice for Japanese people.

The first time I met a woman who I ended up having a long, fulfilling relationship with, our mutual friend invited us to a party at her house and basically announced to us that she was hooking us up. I thought this was strange considering how shy and indirect Japanese people are supposed to be. This friend played matchmaker for us until we got to know each other a little better.

If you’re interested in a Japanese woman, get to know her friends too. She might use her friends to communicate something difficult to you that she can’t say herself.

Flirting with Japanese women is a little bit different, but with some experience and knowledge of Japanese culture, it becomes much easier. It’s all about taking it slower, and learning to pick up on the nonverbal signals that she gives to you.

Be Generous 
Japanese women (and Japanese people) are the most generous on earth. There is no end in giving to other people. Once a Japanese woman loves you, she’ll lay down her life for you. There’s no selfishness at all in a Japanese relationship.

In order to take things to the next level, you’ve got to show her that you’re giving too. A Japanese woman wants a man who will return all the love she gives and more, without ever asking for anything in return.

Let Her Know She’s Number One 
Japanese women have serious jealousy issues. This is a generalization, but ask anyone who has been in a relationship with a Japanese woman and they’ll tell you the same thing. It may come from a deep-seated insecurity, or simply the fact that lots of Japanese men cheat on a regular basis.

Whatever the reason, make sure she knows that she’s number one and you won’t have any problems. I’ve found Japanese people to be extremely committed in relationships, and if you really want a Japanese woman to love you, you have to give her this commitment as well.

Make Her Happy Intimately 
Statistics show that the average Japanese couple lags far behind the rest of the world in terms of bedtime activity. It might be for this reason that lots of westerners think Japanese people are “sexless.” I’ve found quite the opposite to be true. In fact, without all of our hang-ups about sex, I find that Japanese people are much more sexually comfortable and open about sexuality.

The reason that lots of men misunderstand the sexuality of Japanese women is that we’re not used to taking the lead in the bedroom. Western women are much more sexually aggressive. It’s going to take a Japanese woman much longer to reach the level of sexual comfort where she is attacking you in bed. For this reason, many western men think that their Japanese girlfriends are not interested in sex because they rarely initiate it.

On the other hand, Japanese women aren’t hard to please in bed. Because Japanese men usually make love with giving themselves pleasure as the main objective, Japanese women aren’t used to being treated really well. This means that if you can do it for her in bed, it will make her insatiable.

Once you cross that line with a Japanese woman, she will stay with you forever. Japanese women are very pragmatic; they don’t usually jump into something without thinking it over carefully. This applies to relationships too. Give her something to really think about and she’ll know that you’re the one.

One of the biggest problems is that western men often come on too strong for Japanese women’s tastes. This is especially true in public places. In Japan, people just don’t walk up and talk to strangers. They’re always worried about how their actions look to others. Since this isn’t done in Japan, she’s not going to like it if you do it.

Instead, you should make your approach much more natural. If there’s something about her that you can compliment naturally, this is a good start. Try finding an “in” with her instead of just walking up and talking to her. If you can find some point of connection between you, and start a natural conversation about that, you’ll do much better.

You should also be a gentleman with a Japanese woman. They have strict ideas about manners and etiquette, so you should show her this side of yourself. Don’t do anything overtly flirtatious, especially in public.

Some men use very direct techniques when approaching women. Their approach is to lay the cards on the table and tell the woman you like her up front. I can think of no easier way to have a Japanese woman running for the door than to do something like that. You should show her that you like her but in the most subtle way possible. For example, show that you’d like to spend more time with her, or offer to take her out to a dinner. Keep the flirty tone out of the encounter.

It’s also possible that there may be language difficulties. Even Japanese women who have lived many years abroad may be terribly sensitive about their language ability. Because of this, you should be as non-threatening as possible and let her take her time when responding to you. Don’t talk fast or rush the conversation. Proceed at her comfort level.

Since Japan is an indirect culture when it comes to communicating, watch her non-verbal cues. She may be telling you a lot, but if you’re not paying attention, you won’t pick it up. Japanese women will often not say how they feel, but expect you to pick it up from the way they’re standing, looking at you, holding a glass, and so on. Watch carefully for these nonverbal signs.

I don’t think that Japanese women are difficult to approach at all. It’s just that they come from an extremely different culture, and these characteristics don’t change no matter where they live. You don’t have to know everything about Japanese culture; just keep your approach natural and non-threatening, and watch her for the clues telling you to go ahead.

Where To Meet Japanese Women
Unless you live in a place with a large Japanese community, Japanese women can be a bit scarce. There are a few ways that guys go about meeting Japanese women, such as attending international events or offering to teach English, but these are generally not good for meeting a Japanese woman with whom to have a romantic relationship. Women who want help with their English probably want help with their English, and that’s about all. Although you can approach her and maybe get her in the bed before she goes home, that doesn’t pass for much of a relationship.

What really works for meeting Japanese women is to have Japanese friends or be connected somehow with the Japanese community. Introductions from friends are the best way to meet.

Understanding Japanese Culture
Many western men scare Japanese women off because they don’t understand them. When a Japanese woman comes across the ocean, she drags her culture with her, tucked away in one of her suitcases. Before starting to date a Japanese girl, you should learn as much as possible about Japanese culture.

Whole books have been written on the subject, but here are a few basics. Japanese people are shy and easily embarrassed. They stay in groups and like to preserve group harmony, often ranking the group’s interests above their own. They communicate indirectly and through intuition rather than verbally. Japanese women, once devoted to a man, are some of the world’s sweetest and most loyal lovers. If you’re still interested, head to your local library and find some books on Japan.

What Do Japanese Women Like?
Although every woman is different, there are some things that Japanese women generally like in a man. They like men who are successful and confident, fun and easy-going, not too aggressive and not afraid to show their ‘cute’ side. Japanese women tend to have a high standard of taste in fashion and food. Most Japanese women like men who are hard-working but not workaholics.

Aside from all of that, take everything you know about western women and double it for Japanese women. They love to be complimented, need to be told that you appreciate them, like to know that they’re number one, and they have a raging sexual side that they hide because of societal expectations, but they’ll unleash it on the right man.

When you finally meet a Japanese woman that you like, take it slow and easy. They’re turned off by guys who rush, and they need more time than a western woman. When the time is right, she will show you in subtle ways, so pay attention. Once you’re dating and things are going well, you’ll never find a sweeter or more giving partner.

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If you’re into Japanese pop culture, that’s fine. But if you are too into Japanese things, she’s probably going to think you’re not genuine. She’ll think you’re either a strange guy, a guy with a “thing” for Japanese women, or a total nerd. In Japanese, the word, “otaku.” describes a person that is so into comics, video games and anime that they sacrifice their total personality. In the west, we might call him a computer nerd or some other type of ‘freak’ or ‘nut’.

If you’re interest in Japan makes you look like an otaku, any Japanese woman that you meet will run the other way. This is true also if you try to “act Japanese” In Japan, lots of western guys work really hard to fit into a country that will never really accept them; while Japanese people are often impressed that you can speak the language or that you know your way around the culture a little, it really doesn’t do any good to try and go totally native. From a professional point of view, most good business opportunities for westerners in Japan involve using your unique skills and experience as a foreigner.

On the other hand, having a normal, healthy interest in her culture will help you. While Japanese women generally avoid nerdy western men who are too obsessed with Japan, they like guys who are open-minded and interested in them (which includes their culture).

For a Japanese woman who lives overseas, there is a good chance that she’s there for a reason. She probably likes the culture, the way westerners communicate, the difference in the way things are done, and so on. A western guy who is working hard to show her his Japanese side is going to be pretty uninteresting.

Here’s an example: Imagine that you are American, and you went to Japan on business. You go out and meet an interesting girl. As you start talking, she starts suddenly making every topic about America and seems to have some compulsion about turning every conversation that way. Then, for your second time you meet she wants to go to a burger place that’s a corny America-themed restaurant, and she brings along an American flag. Can you see how annoying this would be? If you’re too much of a Japan-freak, it’s going to seem like this to her, or maybe worse.

There have been books written on the subject of Japanese culture, but I want to focus on one aspect of the culture that has a major effect on relationships with Japanese women – shame.

In Japanese culture, shame plays a huge part in everything. It’s about trying not to lose face. Because of this, Japanese people care deeply about what others think of them. This includes not just friends, coworkers and family members, but even total strangers. It’s hard for a westerner to understand just how deeply it matters to Japanese people what others think of them.

This means a few important things if you’re dating a Japanese woman. First of all, very few Japanese women are comfortable with public displays of affection, no matter how long they’ve lived overseas. This is just not done in Japan, and it’s something that doesn’t change easily.

While things like holding hands or putting your arm around her will probably be okay for her, anything more intimate than that is going to really bother her. Even something like a goodbye kiss is usually out of the question.

This aspect of Japanese culture might also affect your overall relationship.

It’s especially important to send clear signals to a Japanese girl to tell her that you like her. You should not come on too strong – Japanese women generally don’t like the macho, aggressive type. However, you need to let her know both verbally and nonverbally that you’re interested in her and you’d like to be more than just friends.

When you’re meeting Japanese women and trying to escalate things to the next level, you will often find feel like the two of you are not on the same page.  This is because of the huge cultural difference.

Nonverbal things like touching or holding hands mean different things in different cultures. You might try to touch a girl’s face as a way of escalating things so that she becomes comfortable with touching. If you remove an eyelash from a girl’s cheek or wipe a lipstick stain, it has a subconscious meaning in her mind. For a Japanese girl, there may be no meaning at all, or she may not be able to interpret what you mean. This means that you have to be clear and tell her in more direct ways that you like her or you’re interested in seeing her again.

With Japanese women, you can’t expect things to “just happen.” There are subtle cultural codes that progress things from point A to point B. With a Japanese woman, the cross-cultural communication may not be there. Just being together for a period of time and waiting for things to happen naturally may not be enough. Again, it’s not good to be aggressive with Japanese women, but you have to be a leader. You have to move things along from one point to the next. This is how it’s done in Japan, men take the lead.

Finally, there are details about women that you need to accept as givens. For example, if you meet a western woman and sparks start to fly, she will let you know somehow whether or not she has a guy, and if so, you may decide to put the brakes on early so that you don’t both waste your time. Japanese women won’t come out with it so easily. They may not reveal this kind of relevant information unless asked. You may end up spending the whole night thinking things are happening, only to find out at the end of the night that her guy has been across the room the whole time!

It’s tricky dealing with these cultural barriers, but it’s well worth it. The important thing is to understand that there are cultural differences, and to keep this fact in mind as you talk to her.