Flirting Japanese Style

For us in the west, flirting is how things get started when you meet someone that you like. It’s really important to let the person know that you like them, and you expect to get messages back that they like you. Since Japan is an entirely different culture, and since Japanese women do not change much even when they’ve lived abroad for years, flirting with Japanese women can be tough for guys who don’t know how it’s done.

There are a few cultural facts about Japan that you’re going to have to learn if you want to successfully flirt with a Japanese woman.

Go Indirect And Nonverbal
First of all, Japanese people are notorious for being indirect in their communication. Although it may seem this way sometimes, they don’t communicate this way just to frustrate westerners. In Japan, being vague and indirect is a virtue. When people speak to each other, they expect the other person to “pick up” on things and understand how they’re feeling intuitively.

A major step in flirting for westerners is to make your bold move and move it to a sexual level. More often than not, when you tell a Japanese girl directly that you like her and you’d like to be romantic with her, it is going to terrify her and she is not going to react well. Instead, things should move to the next level more slowly. You should rely on non-verbal clues and signals. Be subtle about it.

Relax And Take It Easy
Like all women, Japanese women like guys who are confident, relaxed and fun. However, if you’re aggressive, it’s going to scare her away. In the west, we say that it takes some aggressiveness to get the girl, but this is not the way in Japan. Coming on too strong will definitely scare her away.

For men who don’t know Japanese culture, this is very tricky. How do you know when it’s time to make a move if she doesn’t let you know? When flirting with a Japanese woman, keep it fun, playful and non-threatening for a little bit longer. She’ll let you know when it’s okay to make a move, but you’ll have to pay close attention.

The Third Party System
Sometimes, major advances in a relationship come through a third party, like a friend or mutual acquaintance. This is really strange for westerners, but it’s common practice for Japanese people.

The first time I met a woman who I ended up having a long, fulfilling relationship with, our mutual friend invited us to a party at her house and basically announced to us that she was hooking us up. I thought this was strange considering how shy and indirect Japanese people are supposed to be. This friend played matchmaker for us until we got to know each other a little better.

If you’re interested in a Japanese woman, get to know her friends too. She might use her friends to communicate something difficult to you that she can’t say herself.

Flirting with Japanese women is a little bit different, but with some experience and knowledge of Japanese culture, it becomes much easier. It’s all about taking it slower, and learning to pick up on the nonverbal signals that she gives to you.